Contest for July
Bake Off!
here's the deal, I just figured out how to make pumpkin pancakes, and they're awesome. So I challenge you to have a bake off with me, my pumpkin pancakes vs. whatever junk you think is so good that you can cook. We'll invite some judges over and maybe get an iron chef like guy to yell some ingredient out loud that we don't have to use. If you can't participate due to distance, just film it and send it my way. Don't forget to film footage of yourself eating my pumpkin pancakes and enjoying them. contestants apply here
Contest for June
challenge me to an arm wrestling contest
if you see me out on the street, let's have an arm wrestling throw down. If you win I'll buy you a soda. Not just any soda, but a delicious soda the likes of which you've never experienced.
Contest for April and May
"make me a button and or shirt design, logo, something artsy that I can stick on merch and make people look cool when they wear"
I need to make buttons, stickers, shirts, that sort of thing. Your help would be greatly appreciated. Can you come up with catchy phrases? can you photo shop my face to look cartoony? Can you put flames behind me in a picture so I look tough? Submit me any idea or graphic and allow me to use it on t-shirts, and various other merch and here's what I'll give you
- a disc chalk full of all the demos for the upcoming record
- $10 US!
- a thank you note that is sincere!
- if I hit your town I'll take you out for ice cream or cup cakes
so email me at joshuajesty@gmail.com
with all your crazy ideas.
if you're looking for a slogan, here's one I came up with that I quite fancy
"Joshua Jesty: Master of Notes and Chords"
alright, get on it!
Contest for March
"tell me the one thing you freaked out about as a kid over that you think is utterly ridiculous today"
was it a toy you couldn't have? was it a balloon that flew away? lemme know what brought you to the edge of despair in your youth that you merely scoff at today. joshuajesty@gmail.com
Contest for February
"tell me your best worst date/relationship story"
come on.. it'll be fun. come on.... I mean, come on. joshuajesty@gmail.com. I'll tell you what, winner will get a collection of all the demos recorded for the upcoming record "finally, joshua jesty is writing a record with a short title, and the title of the record is "Girl"". You can't front on that. Include an address I can mail the demos to if you're the winner. and hey, We're all winners, so even if you're not top dawg in the sordid relationship story contest, I'll still send you a concession prize.
Contest for January
"record your hottest dance moves on video and send them to josh so he can make a music video"
seriously. best moves wins the ultimate joshua jesty prize package. and when you use a word like Ultimate, you're not playing around my friends. At least when I use the word ultimate I'm certainly not. don't tell me you have... it devalues it ever so greatly.
Contest for December
"attempt to enjoy Christmas"
let's face it, we're not kids anymore, what was once fun now seems over commercialized and it's no fun driving in crappy weather, and the magic of Christmas does seem a bit lacking, at least to me and everyone else I've talked to for the last 3 years. So if you're one of the many that's feeling pretty "Eh" about Christmas, attempt to find something to enjoy about it, start a new tradition that's more fun for you, like screaming at the top of your lungs on the 23rd of December. That'll be good.
Contest for November
"Be grateful for something"
it's that time of year, pumpkin everything is in the stores, turkeys pop up to help sedate us around our relatives, you walk outside to run and get hit with a fierce stinging wind and an even fiercer notion that you should just go inside and burn calories with more sleep. This month since there's that whole day called "thanksgiving" just try to be grateful for a few more moments then at the dinner table while saying grace. I mean, you're here, you've got a few friends, a computer (if you're reading this), musicians like myself and radiohead are giving you their music for free without any sort of hoops to jump over, the world is still turning. Besides, nothing else is going to be able to come into your life if you're not grateful enough to acknowledge what's there already. Are you with me? be with me on this one.
Contest for October
"Design and photograph a Joshua Jesty Costume"
Me! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! do it and win prizes and music galore. and remember, make a costume based on Meeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Or on any songs or song characters of mine. Send in photos, be part of the movement. You're always invited in. send your entries to joshua@thisisexploding.com
Contest for September
"don't have an emotional breakdown"
you know, how you have those from time to time. Don't have one this month. That's all. You'll win peace of mind, and you don't even have to write me an email. However, if you want to email me pictures of you not having an emotional breakdown, feel free to do so.
Contest for August
"write a horror story"
bonus points for including me in it. ME ME ME ME ME. I can be the victim, the hero, the head zombie, whatever. You don't even have to have me in it. Just write a good ass horror story this month.
Contest for July
"send josh a letter"
this could be by far the most difficult challenge I have ever posted on the history of this site. Here we are in the digital age where you can create a video tribute to me (that's next months contest) and post it online for the world to see, but yet I ask you to go back in time before the dawning of the internet and write me a real letter. Tell me about yourself, tell me about any crazy adventures you've had recently. Tell me what you don't like about my music or my website. Write about causes that mean something to you. Write these things on a piece of paper, or type them if you wish and send them to this address
finally, joshua jesty has friends that will send him mail
po box 38008
olmsted falls, oh, 44138
the top five best letters will get a collection of rare and unreleased material from me. How could you not want that? And I will most likely write back to everyone of you, cause when emails pass through you can easily forget them or they disappear, but a physical letter staring you in the face everyday will make you go mad with guilt until you reply.
Contest for June
"get josh a wikipedia entry"
believe it or not, I didn't get any greatest moment entries.... not one! I know this website isn't one of the top ten visited or anything, but it surprised me to see how little people wanted to talk about their successes. Perhaps as much as we hate to admit our embarrassing moments we must hate even more to seem like we're bragging. Who knows. Anyhow, speaking of top ten websites, I'd appreciate it if someone would write a wikipedia entry on me and attempt to stuff it full of as much information as they can. If others want to edit it, sweet. I love that site, but I feel posting my own wikipedia entry would be a bit played out, and if others weren't behind it I suppose it was just dissapear. So that's the contest. If someone is up to the challenge I'll be happy to provide them with a CD chalk full of unreleased and rare Joshua Jesty material. Bonus points for putting up a wikipedia page about this is exploding.
Contest for May
"tell josh your greatest moment"
alright, fine, listen up, shut up! shut up! quiet! put the kids to bed. listen. I got a few people who were kind enough to tell me of there most embarrassing moments. For that I am incredibly grateful and I will be contacting you soon regarding prize information. Since most of you won't fess up for about your imperfections and blunders of greatness, let's hear about things that made/make you proud. Best moments ever. Was it a show you put on, a poetry reading, or a play? did you write a book? save a childs life? give a lot of money to the hurricane katrina fund instead of buy that new I-pod awhile back? let's hear about the great things you've done. Cause we all have our blunders, which are funny and real, but since you're all hush hush about it, let's hear the really really good stuff.
Contest for April
"tell Josh your most embarrassing moment"
Let's face it, March is a month of Shame. That's why none of you wrote in with embarrassing stories and damnit. I intend to hear some embarrassment. So sure, I've been asking people in person about embarrassing stories, but I want some in e-mail form that I can post up here so everyone can see that everyone has those days or moments or years where things just aren't right. In any case, here's what I wrote last month, and I'm keeping it there. In May I'll dish out everything embarrassing I can think of about myself but it'd be nice to hear from you. You never know what kind of prize could be involved.
Winter is still hovering around as if it will become that one dude at the party who will never leave, St. Patrick's Day is just a hangover away from a mistake you'll actually remember and February was so damn short that you barely got that rent check in on time. Add to it the fact that our economy just freaked out and people are still covering the Anna Nicole Smith deal like it's still of any importance to anyone outside of her close friends and family and you've got the simple and stark fact. Life is a joke, a big long, dry Norm Macdonald like Joke.
So to celebrate life's awkward fumbling ways let's have you write into me with your most embarrassing moment you're privy to tell. the top 5 winners will receive and autographed copy of "Finally, Joshua Jesty is famous all the hits volume 15" as well as a photo shopped picture of me talking to matt damon saying "it's not your fault" *. (ps: the family guy writers just used this line and this is exploding/myself was using this a year or two ago. We expect royalties family guy, it IS your fault).
if you don't mind me posting them at the bottom of this website next month, let me know, I think it's nice to share.
bring em' on: I'll even share a few embarrassing moments next month, what a treat!
* photo shopped picture of Josh talking to matt damon is a cheesy reference to "good will hunting" and may not show up with autographed CD as Josh doesn't know how to use photo shop and has to depend on other peoples kindness for these things to occur.
Contest for February
"Fall in Love with Joshua Jesty"
are you and obsessed fan? Want to put a Mark David Chapman on me? how about you email me with your full name, address, and your obsessive deranged intent. If your entry makes me fear my life I'll send you my first prize. The Law. Anyone who writes something genuine will recieve breakfast in bed (which I will mail to them, in two envelopes (one envelope for bacon and eggs, the other for melon and toast).