The Interview

a brief Q and A with Joshua about the incredibly sudden release of "Finally, Joshua Jesty will be with you in a minute"

first off the record itself

Since the beginning of 2008 Joshua Jesty has been on some kind of mission that from what I can deduce has little or no meaning, no end goal. One can assume that Joshua, like all other musicians out there would like to be respected and compensated for their craft, but I can't figure out the methodology of his ways. He seems to be on a mission to over saturate the market with Joshua Jesty music before anyone knows who he is or who he was. With his first release "Finally, Joshua Jesty is famous, all the hits: Volume 15" popping up last year during what was supposed to be downtime between his band this is exploding's next record one would've thought it was a simple side project, nothing more, nothing less.

In the beginning of 2008, with no this is exploding record on the horizon, another Joshua Jesty recorded entitled "Finally, Joshua Jesty is February" popped up in March, exclusively on Joshes website and then disappeared into the the big vault of lost music in the sky only a few months later. After a lengthy tour, a bunch of you tube videos and a lot of talk about a record called "Finally, Joshua Jesty is releasing a record with a short title, and the title of the record is "Girl"" being close to finished, another record surfaced in late June called "Finally, Joshua Jesty will be with you in just a minute".

I Bernabus Wafflefield felt that it was my solemn duty to sit down with this Joshua Jesty character and see just what the hell it is he thinks he's doing. Here are some excerpts from our conversation taped on June 25th, 2008

So, what's the story behind "Finally, Joshua Jesty will be with you in a Minute"?

Call it dumb luck, call in inspiration, I was down in South Carolina and I was sitting in my friends room just playing guitar. I wrote a song and I really wanted to record it, but I didn't have any recording equipment. On the digital camera I had with me there was a record option, but you could only record a minute worth of audio. So I was recording these minute long demos where I just played snippets of each section, sang the melodies that I wanted to remember and that was it. It was just a really rough idea. But after recording a few demos like that I started liking the idea of the limitation of only having a minute to make a musical statement. I also had seen one to many artists play 5, 6, 7 minute songs on acoustic guitar that really only needed to be a minute long. I know I'm critical when it comes to those kind of things, but you know you're not enjoying something when a musician or comedian or magician manages to make 5 minutes seem like an eternity. So with that in mind I wrote 2 songs in South Carolina that were a minute long and then stuck the idea of making a whole record worth of minute songs in the back of my head and let it simmer for awhile

Is there any kind of theme to the record? I notice a bundle of references to women with other men, is their a story there?

there's no real theme. I will admit that there's a few more references to women who are already taken in this record then I realized until I listened to it, but if it was some kind of running theme I wasn't aware of it, I mean there's a song about making love in a clown suit too, and that's certainly not something I honestly desire.

I was sitting around with this girl I met in Ithaca and I remember telling her two things that kind have stuck with me. Mind you, I was extremely tired and felt a bit slap happy, so I don't usually carry things I say or others say with me as well when I'm in that state of mind, but those two things where 1. Death is something you just can't worry about at all until you yourself get to that state and 2. Every record I write is simply a reflection of how I interpret love at that given time. I honestly think those two ideas make up the theme of this record.

As far as all the mentions of girls with men I don't want to come off as someone who wants to up and steal women out of relationships, I just think it makes for good dramatic tension in songs and I wrote a lot of lyrics to the record on the spot, so while I can't think of anyone specifically I guess you could scan my subconscious for the real answers. One thing I'm sure of is that I while touring I thought an awful lot about the idea of possession and how that's ruining a lot of things. People want to possess things and or people and its just something you can't do, cause you can't own anything here, look at George Carlin, what did he get to take with him? It doesn't lead anywhere particularly if you're trying to possess something or someone, so I'm sure that idea filtered in. But it's all wrapped in vagueness because I was a bit to blunt on the last record for my own comfort level.

The last record being "Finally, Joshua Jesty is February"?

Yeah

Why?

Well, the February record is my mandolin record. It's also my Plastic Ono Band Record. I don't often write songs that are as direct and as completely open and brutally honest as a few of the ones that made it onto that record. I much prefer to write from an overall perspective. For example, if I'm writing a song about a someone I love, I'm usually still incorporating a lot of other elements, experiences from other times in my life, things I've read, stories my friends have told me, observations I've made about people and so on. A few things on February were just to stripped down and blunt for me to take. I couldn't even listen to half of that record a week after I put it out. But I did it because I wanted to challenge myself to write a record during the month of February, and I put it off until the last two weeks. So it's more of a two week record then a one month record.

So you got back to a style you were more comfortable with for the new record?

Yeah. this was my banjo record. It was also just fun. I know some of the songs are somber and dark, but there's also an equal amount of goofiness and joy and celebration on it. I feel like this is a very good and quick way to introduce myself to the world as a solo artist cause the psuedo Greatest Hits was not quite the record that I would've wanted to put out first

You have a grudge against "Finally, Joshua Jesty is Famous"? as well as your "February" record? Why are you putting these things out then?

Don't misinterpret me here. I'm not saying I don't like either of those records. I'm actually quite fond of "Finally, Joshua Jesty is Famous, all the hits: Volume 15" but it was put out initially as a goof almost. I really wasn't intending on making it anything more then a side project record while this is exploding was working things out and getting the next record ready. Had I known what I know now I would've put more time and effort into it and made a bigger effort. It's an overall mellow record, and it captures some of what I'm about, but it leaves out a lot of what I'm about since I felt that part of my sound was being covered by this is exploding.

So when is the next this is exploding record coming out?

March, two thousand and never last time I checked.

We'll never see another this is exploding release?

I suppose never is a strong word. I just wouldn't count on it anytime soon. It could come out before another record from my older band Love Scream, but everyone is involved in different projects, priorities have changed, and even though I'm completely floored, saddened, and grateful when I do meet someone who is dying to hear the next this is exploding record, I just don't think there's enough of a demand. I do hope more of the stuff that we recorded for what was going to be the second record does surface, I hope it gets out there cause there was some stuff I was really proud of and excited to share with anyone willing to listen, but it's just not a high priority at this point. Those songs are part of something that isn't functioning right now and the songs are 3 years old at this point. They were all written while I was in a pretty dark place, and in some ways I'm glad to be rid of them. In any case, I don't think you'll see any this is exploding in time for the holiday season, so I'm sorry, we won't be saving Christmas this time around. I know how much the music industry was looking our way for that.

So why release this Minute record when you've been talking about a record with the word Girl in the title as well as another record about Zombies?

Sometimes you just get hit with a wave of creativity and you have to ride it. If the results were horrible I wouldn't have been so excited to put it out, but I really thought I had made a statement that I was comfortable with and proud of in the form of minute long songs. A few of these songs just really get to the point in a very short amount of time, which as you can tell by the way I talk isn't something I generally am able to do. Sometimes when writing or creating I think giving yourself rules or boundaries can provide some unique results. I'm happy with this record and I wanted to show it off. In a way it was also a chance to purge this creative demon I have in me.

You see the Girl record you're talking about is one that I've been working on for the last 2 years now. I didn't really know what I was working on I was just writing songs and one day I took a long look at all of them. There were originally 20 and I was going to have another big solo record like the first one. Then one day I realized that it was just to much, and that there was no real vibe to it cause it was so massive and sprawling all over the place. So I cut it down a bunch. Then I hit this wall where I realized I really wanted to take this record to the next level, and really make sure I'd gotten the right drum sounds, and the right vocal performances and the right mixes, and in some cases I definitely missed the mark. So there's the part of me that wants to make this perfect and make sure that it's right, but that part of me is often overthrown by the little bug in my ear that wants to just get the songs out while they're new, while they're fresh, before they become an after thought that you're not that excited to work on at all.

So the Minute record was a way to put the Girl record aside and just focus on that new fresh music and then just release it immediately. It was very therapeutic, just as the February record was therapeutic in its own way. I think releasing all of this has allowed me to come back to these songs that will be on this Girl record and really prepare to make them into a completely realized idea. Another plus is that I still find these songs fresh and exciting after a year, so that says something to me.

And what of the Zombie record?

there's a few ideas swimming around. Initially I was really pushing to get that one done but I just got way ahead of myself. I was writing songs for it that were so literal I just thought to myself "yeah, it's funny that you're writing songs about zombies, but this is going to get old really fast". So I had to step away from it and just let it unfold on its own. I'm confident it will happen someday, it's just not on the high on the priority list either. I suppose if I wake up and I'm as inspired as I was with the minute record I'd knock it out in a few weeks, and when that day comes, I'll welcome it.

Anything else in the works?

Just working on making "Finally, Joshua Jesty is making a record with a short title, and the title of the record is "Girl"" the type of record that I'll be proud of for the rest of my days. That's the main focus and priority. There's going to be some touring in the Fall, and I'm sure I'll keep writing and recording and and filming things that interest me. As far as music related hi jinks go, that's about it

Is there any reason you did this entire interview in Scuba Diving Gear?

I wanted to do my part to save the earth.

Thank You's (a repost from Myspace and Facebook of all the thank you's I owe from this past tour)

in the best order I can remember

thank you to

- chris and amy for showing me a sweet resturant that we didn't get to eat in, but it was still pretty sweet
- rumba cafe for having me at the last minute
- nachos
- jen for letting me crash during the night of her roomates breast reduction party, I'm sure you had to pull some strings
- that breakfast cafe for kicking me out, I knew I could be a rebel
- the old louisville coffee shop
- derek and amy
- kyle and his wife.... (I'm going to forget a lot of names please don't be offended) and there blogging and radio playing of my music
- spicy food for not killing me, avacado milkshakes?
- easter for not being as consumer based as christmas. I'm sure jesus is into being associated with bunnies and eggs. lord knows I'd be.
- the Bluebird for allowing me to hear such classics as "the shark song" and "boy from tennaseeeee"
- Matt for his greek goat cheese and apples, as well as his good company and conversation
- Nicole and Jason and neglecty the cat who scracthed up my arm and then sat on my face when I was trying to sleep.
- dixie for letting me play, and also thanks for playing that spectacular cover of "closer" bravo
- Kaler, lyndsey, lindsey, lindsay lindzee, and the other 15 lindsey's I met while in Charleston. Thanks for recording and letting me stay for days and days
- Slowrunner for Mermaids
- Oddly enough, thanks to Aerosmith for Sweet Emotion. I never thought I'd get to perform that song with such a fine ensemble.
- Debbie and Gary for feeding me
- Heather and Josh and Jessica and a few more lindsey's. I'm telling you that "feels bad" moment is going to happen, and you were there when I called it.
- that one sweet coffee shop that had free wi fi (unlike you starbucks! wtf?)
- tom petty documentaries that are 4 hours long
- 11 hour drives for only feeling like 20 hour drives
- Dean Kostlich for letting me on his show in pittsburgh
- Matt and Dan and their kitty cat in a box
- Ben, Seth, and Mark for being their to help create (but not perform) some of the horrible atrocities of human sexuality such as the "eastern seaboard" and the "pittsburgh bus stop"
- Brad and his Robot 40 Podcast
- the cleveland lottery league, which i still insist should've been called "the cleveland starving artists society" but I digress and I fell of an amplifier that night, who saw that coming?
- the davenport, rip. oh and thanks RR crew for coming out :P
- Dave and Alicia
- all those berklee alumni I met who said they'd write (and never did, who would've thought, unreliable musicians?)
- free cheese and bread served at alumni functions
- the Acadia Cafe
- Tiffany and her cats
- libraries
- coffee shops with pricey vegetarian lasagna
- Bordertown Coffee
- the wonderful indian fellow who forced me to get off my set list and focus on actually entertaining
- Mighty Fairly for their excellence as well as friendship, biscuits and crash pads
- Aragon for not crushing me in my sleep
- Gordon for putting me in his film, showing me crazy you tube videos and letting me crash on his couch day after day after day after day
- Alicia sans David (David in spirit though) for the mexican and the company to the venue during a basefball game that eradicated all the parking in the area
- the Underground Lounge
- The Silent Years for rocking me (sorry CmDB didn't get it, that's my code, you'll have to ask me, it might actually be a sweet chord progression, nah it's just code)
- Josh and Potatoe and Thai food oh my
- Bela Dubby for giving me Chai... ahh yeah.
- everyone from cleveland who came out (side note: no one from RR? no one? really? I mean someone gets an eyelash stuck in their eye and you're all aware of it via texts and emails in 4 minutes, I have a show and ya'll just forget to tell anyone? no love for the jesty? Did Kim Benton put you up to this? does someone need to get slapped in the mouth?)
- Ali for backing off and letting me win at bowling.
- Jodi for putting herself in a position where I got to legitimately picture what she'd be like dressed as a tree
- Christmas Trees for burning
- People in love who carry chainsaws
- Hot Tubs for being Hot
- the metroparks
- Aunt Jill, Uncle Micky, Lindsey, Lauren for enduring the unknown
- Brad Yoder and everyone at Club Cafe
- Matt and Dan and their Kitty Cat trying to Sleep
- Connecticut for screwing up my chance to meet with Rich. You traffic filled bastard!
- Sarah for reminding me that I'm not in Rolling Stone
- Everyone at Tommy Dolye's, especially the girl who approached me about getting a CD, that was impactful to me. you have no idea.
- all the folks who made it as close to an Almeda reunion as I may ever see
- Clam Chowder for tasting the best in Boston
- Boston for having the most messed up roads I've ever seen
- Brian for looking into shows for me
- Dave for putting me up and talking all the recording talk that I don't normally get to do
- Dan and Danielle
- the Rhode Island traffic cops for having loop holes
- SPIKES ATTACK!
- commerce commerce commerce
- the Blackstone
- Fredonia
- Matts 30th birthday. I don't know who you are, but I enjoyed the free food laid out in your honor
- Matt Cross
- Sean and the Gonc and the Gonc Manor which are all trademarks of Gonculator inc.
- Jon Brion cause damn..
- the Labrynth for having me at the last minute
- Frank for working out all the details
- Dan and company for taking me to the worst diner ever. It was the best worst experience I've ever had. Truelly something everyone should behold.
- the Lucy Ball mueseum for giving wilber valdarama a stage... (cause what else do you do after yo mama?)
- you tube for letting me post videos of cover tunes immediately
- Ithaca for... well. being hilly and having the arcade version of Aliens in your laundromat
- Pat for putting me up, setting up a show, telling me wonderful stories about music and life, sleep walking in front of me, and just being an all around stand up guy.
- Smittens the cat.
- The transvestite phychic for telling me to drink more water
- Laura for organizing a show for me, sorry it didn't work out
- Moe and Chris for the breakfast burry-toe and hang outs
- Ben and Lach and everyone at the Sidewalk Cafe
- Everyone who has been singing along, or jumping up on stage and joining in on some instrument when I perform "Once in a Lifetime"
- Elena for her accent and for staying around to watch, and everyone else without accents who stayed around to watch, I'm forgetting a lot of names on this one.
- Annie for your company and good advice
- Casey for not walking in with a boom box blaring "Nothing Lasts Forever" I don't know why I even thought that was a possibility
- Amanda for coming out last minute.
- Rockstar games for Grand Theft Auto 4. Now I know how I'll spend my years as a senior citizen. playing that damn thing.
- Dakota Jay for his generosity and talent
- Chris and Kristin for their generosity, movies, and stories about the jail nearby, and laughing till I was crying over those videos. good stuff.
- Dan and the Deans for doing me that huge ass favor that helped the tour from getting disasterous
- Pat, Greg, Tommy, Kate, and everyone else involved in showing me was a New York Saturday Night is all about. thank god it's not all about eating cheetos till you get sick. that's a nashville night apparently.
- Katy Rose for being who you are and no less.
- Rest Stops for giving me nightmares and charging extra for orange juice
- Knights Inn = hell yeah
- Andy and Left of Avalon, and Flo Anito
- the folks at the Galaxy Hut for putting on Monday night shows
- Jewel and
- Elise and
- Santina for all helping me attempt to find crash pads
- Missy and Mark for stuffing me full of chili and putting up with my video game aggitation and letting me sleep on a couch which was far better then my car can ever be.
- Nicole and Jason for the feast and support, Nicole, you're the first call I've taken during a show ever.
- Steve and everyone at Smiths Bar
- Debbi, get better
- Laura and the bad grades.
- hold my coffee, hold my coffee
- Nashville, here's the thing, we're not really meant for each other, but I find you attractive so I'm going to pursue you for a little while longer, at least until memphis starts looking my way. So love me while you've got me, that's all I'm saying.
- Amy and Derek for all the pictures, company, entertaining, and movies. AND awesomeness
- The Old Lousville Coffee Shop for believing that I'd make it back again
- that couple that made out while I played a tom petty song
- Nicholasville for having the scariest back roads I've ever driving in at night
- Main and Maple
- Big E-Z for not hurting me
- Scott and Lincoln
- Billy and the wonderful folks at the Southgate House
- Matt Matt Matt for the phone calls
- everyone else I talked to on the phone who saved me from long fits of complete and utter desolate lonliness, including but not limited to Kim, Matt, Caitlin, Dan, Dan, Owen, Kaler, Justy (what?), and no courtesy calls. sell like hell my ass.
- Gene Simmons for making a brief cameo in my life which was just as insignificant as his music is to me
- Everyone whom I met and performed for and with at the Cinemat
- Dave and Portia and everyone else who offered to help me out
- the lazy daze for some of the best chai on the tour
- banjo's for being so pickin' good
- the one lady who was kind enough to listen while I played outdoors
- whoever sent out that promotional email


There's a lot of people I forgot. I've been typing this for about an hour and I'm dead tired so please give me some room. There's an awful lot of people to thank for this tour coming together such as it did. If you haven't picked up on it by now, I'm really grateful to everyone who took a chance on having me out and to everyone who has put me up, fed me, over looked the ridiculous beard, and most especially to everyone who has stuck around and listened to me perform.

this has been a great tour and I will cherish many moments of it for a long time. I look forward to going back out in September and I hope to see all of you again.

travel safe, don't be afraid, and when you're out of ideas, just listen, it'll come to you.

-joshua

if you love you give, if you give you grow, if you grow you love more

don't ask me what it is about driving around for hours at a time by ones self that makes you feel a bit more spiritual, but when I'm on the road by myself I am in a good place. Oh sure I get bored and occasionally scream at traffic jams that exist solely because of a construction area where there are NO construction workers present, but ultimately, traveling around gives me a lot of time to think about life and all the mistakes I've made and have yet to make. The title of this blog popped into my head the other day while I was just rambling on and I like it. It isn't that original a concept, but I'll still take credit for it if I can. Maybe if I achieve some overall status of fame It can be the quote used on posters of me that get hung in college dorm rooms by people who might be to busy studying or partying or worrying to miss the point of the overall message.

Regardless of where others are at in their experience I'm enjoying where I'm at right now. It's been great to catch up with some old friends, make some new friends, be attacked by dogs and cats, experience local cuisine, and really get to learn how to be alone and how to make the music really come out. I wouldn't recommend this life style for most people, but I always recommend mixing things up. One small way you can do this is by coming out to a show of mine! AH HA see how I did that, slipped the promotion in under your eye lids! Ahh how insincere. Seriously, have an adventure this summer, even if it's only for a day, it'll do you good. And if you end up in another part of the world you haven't been with strangers just kind looking at you, just say "josh made me do it". Most everyone knows me, cause I'm famous, so they'll let you pass through.

take care of yourselves. thanks for listening.

Hey Bowling Pin Girl

so the world of solo touring has started up for me, and it's been a rocky start. Which is alright. Here's the thing that I'm finding that rings true in any and every situation. If you want something, you mess it up, and then you make it right. Most people quit after they mess it up, which is fine, survival of the fittest I suppose. While part of me never wants to wait on another table or do another minute of manual labor ever again, I realize that I might have to hunker down and pay off some debt for awhile after touring as much as I have without to much financial backing, or any hype behind me. That's fine, it's just establishing some kind of foundation for now, getting my feet wet, that sort of thing.

Another thing that's been pretty nice is the sudden desire to elevate the quality of my recordings. There's a special energy when you first record a song, and sometimes it just disappears completely and there's never another reason to come back to it. So even if you sang something out of key, or missed a guitar lick or something, it just doesn't merit a return. There are a lot of songs like these that have come into my experience, but I'm happy to say that I have a batch of songs currently for the next record that I am not sick of at all and very happy to work on and improve. Josh Kaler and I re tracked a song called "version of me" that I had up here as a song of the month awhile ago and I got to hear the rough mix of the track which was just a thousand times better then the original. So what the hell am I saying? It's been good to sit around with these songs and take them on the road and really get to know them and what they're capable of. When I finally get the next finally record out, I don't think you'll find it to be to shabby. At least I won't, and I suppose that's a good enough starting point.

If you're feeling down because your phone is broke, I'll call you and tell you it'll be alright

well, I'm gearing up for my touring season. I'm a little apprehensive, I'm a little unprepared. I feel like I'm wrapping up a lot of last minute things at the very last minute and somewhere in there I hope to find a little bit of time to unwind and just be ready for what comes next.

I've only got a few days left of waiting tables for now. I don't think they'll be my last for ever so I can't completely burn the bridge that is the service industry, and it'll actually be kind of sad to leave a place that feels pretty comfortable. The folks where I work are the good kind, and it's hard to leave any place where there's a level of trust and comfort and all that to go off on some tangent that you can't predict the outcome of, but you know. It's completely worth it.

that's about it. If you look above you'll see that there's a "Finally, Joshua Jesty is February" record. I don't consider it to be a proper follow up to "Finally, Joshua Jesty is Famous......" but it was a fun experiment to attempt to make a record in a month. I listened to it in the car a few times today and I'm pretty pleased with it and what it represents. maybe when next February comes around I'll do it again.

So that's the world over here. Changing, getting crazier, and with a lot of potential for more fun or at least more happy mistakes.

take care

Amy hit the Blogasphere

what isn't there to talk about these days. This particular month feels a little like the end of normality for me as I intend to hit the road in mid march to conquer the world with my traveling minstrel show. For some reason this has catapulted my creative juices cause I've learned in the past that it can be very hard to write music while out on the road. Cause when you're figuring out directions, places to stay, where and how you'll eat, and rearranging your set lists every night it severely limits the time you have to be creative. This is something I'm going to have to work on though because it is my intention to be out on the road for a long time.

Though I realize this might not come to fruition and the seeds of doubt constantly replant themselves in my head I know I have to set aside the time to make this happen.

I remember my one friend hit the nail on the head when he revealed the biggest fear of an artist and that was "what if the one thing you believe you're the best at turns out to only be perceived as mediocre by everyone else".

I suppose it doesn't matter though. I bumped into a few people besides my mom who think my music is worth something, and it brings me a lot of joy to write and perform so, why not take a few risks to get it out there.

oh, not that this blog is all that coherent, but the recent burst of creativity has really got me excited to try some new things. I mentioned most up in the news section, but namely, I've been writing a story, maybe a novella of sorts, maybe just garbage, I've been finishing up the record I've been working at for a little while and I've got a few music video ideas that would be nice to commit to tape. I guess time will keep telling us the outcomes of these desires, but it's nice to be in a creative spurt right now. Those can be hard to get let alone maintain.

thanks to everyone who keeps reading all this hoopla and spreading the word about this site and this music. It means an awful lot to me to know that people are giving this music a chance and it's always gratifying to hear that someone likes what they hear. So thank you for that. I'll see you next month, maybe some of you in person no less. keep loving and dancing, and don't be a stranger, feel free to add me to your myspace or facebook. I'm searchable, oh yeah.

I fall apart and you laugh a little

it's always funny what comes up in your head when you let it wander outside of its regular constraints. Oh sure, you have to remember to pay the bills, and let the kids out of the sealed off water tank before they drown, and driving directions and potential in law names that you can't remember for the life of you and so on.

I've been finding running to be a good release and a good time to listen to some of my favorite tunes. Even with music pumping into my ears my mind still starts wandering. I question myself and my motives, I wander off to conversations I'd like to have with people that I never really will, and then little stories and or lyrics start popping into my head. Today the title of this gem of a blog just popped in their for no good reason and I have to say I'm accepting of the randomness of it all.

I've been finding that while some songs are incredibly immediate, others just want to stew around more these days, and even others that were never quite finished are starting to call my name. "come back and give us a decent chorus you jack ass!" they cry. "can I at least have a sandwich first?" I reply. "Only if you make some for us!" the song screams back. "Do you want mayo on your sandwich?" I retort. "I don't, I'm actually allergic to it, and can you please not use rye bread, I can't handle the seeds!".

My songs are whiny and needy and very specific sometimes. I'm not talking about the content of the songs (though some most certainly are) but more the character of them when they swim around in my head late at night.

anyhow, life jumps around like a crazy monkey these days and I'm going hunting for it.

take care, find what makes you shine and lighten up.

Ode to 2007

since there's a good chance that this will be the last blog I post on this page for the year of 2007, I figure I'd write me little tribute to the year now. I know the end of 2007 seems far enough away, but really, that sucker is just about done.

Dear 2007,

Seriously, what the $#@%? Had I known that I could've lived a year like this in advance I have no idea if I would be dreading it or embracing it. I guess that's why we're not tipped off to things like this in advance.

I was by the ocean, I played across the sea, I sat in a hot tub, I stared out at the lake, passed a waterfall, and I took enough showers to keep me acceptable to society.

I saw the Police, Matthew Good, Patton Oswalt, the Roots, the Silent Years, Gonculator, Machine Go Boom, Paul Mooney, and a bunch of bands and live entertainment that was both inspiring and completely unmemorable.

I felt like I've had experienced some of the biggest losses and made some of the biggest mistakes of my life this year. On the plus side I feel like I've hit new highs as well as the new lows. I've fought and worked for what I believe in, I haven't compromised, I've lost it a few times, and I still wonder if I even had it to begin with on occasion.

You provided far more questions then answers 2007, and I wonder if this isn't some elaborate set up for your future brothers and sisters in waiting. Will they just keep adding to the mix?

I've had more adventures and travels then I ever expected, and more things then ever seem within reach thanks to you and your ways 2007. I'm grateful, and not very worried about what's ahead. Though I do suffer from the "what if's". You haven't even ended yet and I'm struggling with the idea of what I could've done to make things better, and what I might be able to do with the time I have now to make the best it can be.

I suppose in the scheme of things, I'll look back on you fondly 2007. As of now you're still fresh enough in my memory that I can see the blemishes and the cracks, I can still feel the agony of defeat in the volleyball court, and remember the days that I was laying around bed ridden asking myself over and over "what's the point of all this again?".

I wish I could make things right for everyone 2007. I wish I had the time and means and the capacity to elevate everyone and give them what they need, but I suppose you've shown me that everyone is capable of doing that for themselves, given enough time. You were certainly not enough time for me 2007, but you were a good start.

Don't sit around here and wait for me 2007, get on with your business, and have fun in retirement, I hear there's good golfing in Tallahassee.

Why Bother?

so some of the adventures of last month included but were not limited to

- white water rafting

- carrying a guy 2 miles over jagged rocks and up steep hills who sustained some kind of injury while white water rafting

- seeing the Silent Years play and getting to do a big roar/cheer ceremonial thing with them

- going to detroit and hanging out in the little greek area where homeless guys attacked me as if they were zombies.

- giving a bunch of my personal money to a fund raiser my work place was having to raise money for a co worker with prostate cancer

- Seeing patton oswalt live and annoying people with my laugh (which is really quite awesome if you think about it)

- and the pinkerton show

about 6/6 and half years ago I performed all of Pinkerton. It was my first show after the end of my band Love Scream. I put an awful lot into the show, and I recall it being a blur of goodness, but I know I had spread myself out to thin with everything I wanted to happen in the show. I remember cowering in the backstage area cause I didn't realize how poorly organized I had made the show until I got there. Still, it was a big night for me, and a kind of statement to myself that I could make things happen without Love Scream who at the time I had convinced myself was the only reason that I sounded any good as a musician (those guys were and still are some of the most talented musicians I know, and they really did take me musically to another level, I did feel lost without them at the time).

It was good to revisit this record and get to perform it with the boys of this is exploding. I'm very proud of how the night turned out. It almost feels like I got to come full circle in a way, correct the mistakes I made last time I performed it, really dig into the material more, and find a new appreciation for it.

I guess these no big grand finale for this blog entry. Maybe that is the epiphany of the month for me. For a long time I thought everything had to end perfectly, all wrapped up in a nice bow and put away. That's not the case at all. Things just end. All the sudden wednesday nights aren't about hanging out with friends anymore, they're about sitting around your apartment wondering what happened to wednesday nights. The tag on epiphany is that the fact that the things that have come to an end even existed at all is pretty brilliant.

so what's the moral of the blog? I guess just roll with the punches, and enjoy all the crazy that life throws at you, it won't be around forever. oh yeah, don't be afraid either. but you knew that didn't you?

yes I wrote most of that while listening to radio head. till next month.

The Big Tour Journal Entry

Wednesday: the big tour kick off. tonights venue is an open mic in Bowling Green at a place called Grumpy Dave's. I arrive way to early after spending the early part of the day doing the pre launch tour stuff including laundry, packing, making sure things like cell phone chargers are present, as well as keys and other knick knacks. I arrive at the Open mic and there really isn't anything going on. They have me on stage right away and I bang out about 8 songs before the next person comes up to take the stage. I get to catch up with a friend from the old feel bads days who I hadn't seen in quite some time. I make it out to my friends apartment in Toledo and he promptly feeds me a home made wrap and allows me to consume a ton of liquids from his fridge. He and his roommate have a brita water dispenser filled entirely with green tea. You can't tell me that's not off the hook. I also get to rediscover one of my favorite SNL sketches on youtube this evening. It's called "Connie Stinson Talks" and it's on my myspace page. Go check it out. you'll laugh, you'll cry, your cold robot hearts will finally feel something. I kid I kid. If you're a robot you can't ever feel anything.

Thursday: I take my sweet time leaving Toledo and still make it up to Mt. Pleasant with way to much time before the gig. I have a big crappy greasy meal before my drive to Michigan and I feel awful the whole way up, it's the last time I'll eat that poorly on the road, for at least 3 days. Fifi's french press is everything you'd want from a coffee shop. It's got coffee and wireless access, a bathroom decorated in Elvis and religious paintings, and a wall full of pez dispensers. We wait for a crowd to show up, but when the masses don't storm through the front doors wearing there "Joshua Jesty for president" shirts and fainting at the site of me by 9pm I just get on stage and start playing. The PA system is all messed up and I end up performing without a microphone, which is actually kind of difficult, cause I find myself pushing my voice in different ways then when I have a microphone present. Despite this the show goes well and I get offered a place to crash afterwards which is good cause I have absolutely nowhere to go from there. My hosts Steve and Stacy feed me curry and we watch Wet Hot American Summer till the wee hours of the morning when I can no longer remain conscious.

Friday: I awake and have some cereal. Stacy and I chat about life and it's ridiculousness for a good long while. It is apparent that Steve will not arise from slumber anytime soon, so Stacy drops me back off at my car and set off to Chicago where I have located another open mic night. I arrive way way early (forgetting the hour difference completely) and have a few chai teas and walk around the neighborhood. It's a nice area, and it has a set of train tracks that when you cross then turns out to be a really really nice area. It really brought out the meaning of "the other side of the tracks". I am a bit skeptical of this open mic when I don't see anyone inside the coffee shop around 8pm and I think about how unattended the other open mic in Bowling Green and really feel like I've made a big mistake and that I should just drive over to my friends house and hang out for the evening. Just as I'm about to do this I notice there's a patio area that I didn't see before. When I go to explore I find that the whole patio is full of people setting up for this open mic night. So I figure after all the driving I might as well give it a shot, so I sign up, and wait patiently for my set to come up. I hit the stage, tell people about my CD and play 3 songs. It is easily the best show of the tour as far as response, and it feels extra good especially when I consider how I was about to walk out without even giving it a chance. I get incredibly lost trying to get to my friend Naomi's house that night, but she has enough patience to stay on the phone with me while I twist and turn and navigate the busy Chicago streets on a Friday night and finally arrive at her place. While I'm showering Naomi gets the call that "Oh My God" has been in a car accident. I'm grateful to hear that they're all alive and recovering, but devastated that their tour is cancelled and that they've had to go through this experience. I wish them a speedy recovery and hope to be at the front of the stage when they return.

Saturday: Naomi, her daughter, and I go out around Chicago and eat a vegetarian breakfast diner and purchase her daughters first bike. It's a relaxing and all around good feeling morning seeing as how I finally have some good sleep in my system and I don't have to spend the whole time driving, which can take its toll on someone such as myself pretty quickly. Speaking of driving, I get to do just that when we get back from our morning wandering. So off I go to Albion Michigan, home of all things Albion-ish... I suppose. Just as I get off the highway I receive a call from John, the promoter who asks where I'm at since he doesn't know if the other act is going to make it or not. I tell him I'm right in town and he starts giving me directions that differ from my trusty google map directions, but everything works itself out pretty quickly and I find myself in the first coffee house I've been in that has Raspberry Chai. The other band known as the Basement Spiders does show up, and the lead singer of the band is nice enough to record my solo set onto a tape cassette which I promptly put in my car and lose track of. Overall, the show goes very well, I am admittedly a bit to chatty in the stage banter department this evening, but sometimes I like to have fun and test out the crowds reactions to things I've been thinking about in the car for the last 5 hours of driving. At the end of the set I get a request to play "Teenage Dirtbag" by Wheatus which I had oddly enough hear on my Ipod while driving that day, so with some vocal assistance from the requester (named Emily if my memory serves me well) we hack our way through the song remembering just about all of it save for the third verse, but it is very nice to perform with someone else even in an impromptu fashion after 3 days of just me. I must say we hit the harmonies pretty well. After the show I get to hang out with the fine folks who live in the coffee shop/house and we go to some off campus party and watch a little mad max and talk politics and travel and religion and all the good stuff that late night conversations are made of. Eventually I pass out on a couch and am very grateful to have a place to crash as the other alternative was to drive back to Chicago overnight.

Sunday: I wake up in the coffee shop and it feels like I'm in a shop in a ghost town. If I remember correctly this is what it feels like to be awake at 9am on a Sunday in just about every college town. I serve myself some cereal and then take off to Chicago once again where my final show is. I'm meeting up with another good friend from college today and I get extra excited to hear that my friend Owen from Love Scream is going to be in Chicago as well. So upon arriving I get to hang out with my friends Alicia, Davide, and Owen for the whole day, walking around the town, eating cheap Mexican food and playing with Alicia's 3,000 pets. Eventually Owen takes off and Davide drives me to the show which is at a little dive bar with a decent sound system. It doesn't really matter that I'm there tonight because the Bears on TV, so once again Bears, and Sports have thwarted my attempts at music once again. That being said the show goes off pretty well but I know that I'm barely even background music to the patrons of this bar, I'm more a distraction then anything else, and that's okay. It's just like starting over. By the end of the night I'm exhausted and a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of driving 6-8 hours to get back to Cleveland in time to work. I opt to sleep for 2 hours to let the Bears traffic dissipate which will put me at 1am departure wise. I instead wake up at 4am and frantically rush to get back to Cleveland. About 5 hours into it I get extremely tired and have to pull over to the side of the road as I'd much rather be fired for being late but be alive as opposed to being really late and extremely dead.

Overall it was an incredible time and I'm very grateful to everyone who gave me a chance to perform for them. There are so so many people to thank, and there's barely anyway I can name them all, but why not try. Seriously, that's the moral of this whole blog, you might not get exactly what you want, but you won't get anything that you want if you don't try. So here we go.

thanks to Joshua of the Silent Years, Grump Dave, Rob, that book store that was sweet, Red Robin, Tammy, Doug of Dialogue, Matt and his knowledge of Organic foods, Steve, Stacy, Betsy, Sassy, everyone at Fifi's, everyone at Luna Cafe, Naomi, John, Shane, all the fine ladies and gents of Albion, Cops, Raspberry Chai, Sarah, Alicia and Davide, Owen, Cliff Bars, Victoria Vox, Nic, this is exploding, and everyone who passed the word around gave me some gas money for my CD and helped me get this together. For a solo tour there was a lot of people involved, and I'm fortunate enough to have a lot of great people in my life to allow such things to occur.

Oh Hey, quick side not unrelated to the tour, what the hell is up with Radiohead trying to do a "Joshua Jesty" thing and give there record away for the value you think it's worth? What kind of hogwash is that fellas. I spend all my days in bands listening to other bands tell me about how they're doing a "radiohead" thing with their sound which made me stay even further away from you fellas, and then you just come out and rip off my "pay the value you see in it" idea? I expect some answers fellas. Or at the very least I expect Johnny Greenwood to write up some fine orchestral arrangements for my next record. Or better yet, Tom is going to have to come sing a duet with me, and whatever song he duets with me on is going to be the happiest sounding pop song known in the history of mankind ever.

there, I've said my peace. Or at the very least my piece. If you'd like to see a bunch of tour photos go check out the pics on my myspace page. Don't be afraid to befriend me on there. Till next time, be well.

Blogger Please

- it's September. I'm going to go out on a week long solo tour in a few weeks and I don't have any dates booked yet. This doesn't bother me all that much. It's just a days worth of phone calls and emails and then hopefully something will be structured enough for me to have a go at it. I'm attempting to hit Bowling Green/Toledo, Parts of Michigan, and Chicago. If you've got any places in mind that I can play in those areas around the 20's of September, email me at joshua@thisisexploding.com. And don't title it with something like "Enlarge your Penis by playing the stock market" or I'll most likely delete it.

- I have been enjoying my Ipod on Shuffle lately. I know there's no radio station on this planet that would play "Drop is Like its Hot" uncensored and then follow it up with Enon and then Don Henley. You can't front on that. I do hope that one day I can train and study hard to become one of the few specialists like snoop dogg who specifically specialize in making all the girls get naked.

- Matthew Good is playing Solo in October. I'm going to see him on October 5th in Buffalo. If you're in the crowd that night shout out "Joshua Jesty, YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" after his third song and I'll know that you read this.

- if all goes according to plan (and really, when does it) I'm going to have a music video shot for last months song of the month called "from invincible to invisible". prepare your Youtube hungry eyes for it. PREPARE I say unto you!

- I've written two songs that are completely unwritten at the moment. I'm very proud of them but they're not finished, so I suppose I could be jumping the gun by saying I like them, cause I could finish them off and botch them up completely in the process. The bottom line is, I understand what the music I've written is trying to get me to say, now I just have to figure out how to say it within the framework and structure of the music.

- I don't care what you think or more importantly what you feel, if you like monty python, you're a little bit nerdy and you'll just have to accept it.

- I feel like I've been playing a big game of catch up lately and I can't quite catch up with anything or anyone because a big barricade called "work" has been getting in the way for the past 3 weeks. Oh sure, it's nice to be able to pay rent and all, but sometimes you just need some time to get together, and lately, that time hasn't presented itself.

- it's time for a nap. It's always time for a nap.

Offer up your best defense

I was about to throw out a box of cassette tapes of my fathers but at the last minute, standing by the trash pile, I reached in and grabbed about 7 of the tapes with the vague hope that maybe they contained recordings he had made of various sketches and things that he'd done on call in radio shows back in the day. The first few tapes were tapes of Dr. Wayne Dyer who I've enjoyed listening to quite a bit in the past. When I was a kid I remember my dad leaving the car running with one of his tapes playing and the story Wayne was telling was that of going to an gym and going to an area where there were 20 or so hot tubs lined up next to each other. Apparently at the far left end of the room the hot tubs were set to colder temperatures and as you moved from left to right the hot tubs were set to increasingly higher temperatures. His observation was that 90% of the people were content to just sit in the hot tubs in the middle of the room. While maybe that makes sense from a hot tub stand point, the metaphor here is that in general people are very content to find something comfortable and stick with it. I guess I didn't believe this in my younger years, or at least I didn't think about it. Lately I've been noticing that there is a tendency in most people to find comforts and hold onto them, even if they're ultimately destructive to the person. I can be accused of this as well, but as of this past month I actually caught myself trying to hold on to something because it was comfortable, not because it was right, but just because it was a path of least resistance.

So it got me thinking, and the boys of this is exploding and I had a breakfast party, so I took the opportunity to invite a ton of people who I barely know, people I've met at shows, through myspace, at open mics, etc. By Golly, would you believe it, 90% of the people I invited didn't show. Why? My only guess besides the possibility that I've been blacklisted in Cleveland and I don't even know it is that people are just comfortable where they're at and not willing to try anything different. I completely understand why we get this way, but all I'm saying is for your own sake, try something different, go to a place where you'd never want to go normally. If you're the shy kid at the Karaoke night, get your ass up there and sing a song your barely know. If you've always wanted to climb one of those rock climbing walls, just find one and go climb it. What are you waiting for? In my case, what am I waiting for? The doubts are never going to resign themselves until you do something about it.

Anyhow, those are my thoughts for the month. In the case that I have been blacklisted in Cleveland, could someone let me know? I really didn't think trying to ignite the lake again would be that big a deal, I mean, its not like it hasn't happened before.

tramp art

every once and awhile I have the opportunity to seize life and shake it around like a muppet that needs CPR. This past weekend was one of those muppets. This past week has been pretty good actually. I feel like I've cleared the air and found some peace with various situations and people and circumstances and things all around feel a little more resolved. For the moment at least. Now the biggest issue is being able to take the moment and shake it around like a snow globe on a consistent basis. I don't need to sit around and worry, I don't need to fear the consequences of events I have no control over. The only thing I can do is get in the car and drive, I can't determine if I'll make it to my destination or not, at least not completely. I can't determine if I'm going to write a song that's perfect for this is exploding or stands well as its own solo thing when I sit down to write, and I certainly can't predict if I'll be able to make ends meet as a waiter when there's road construction that blocks people from coming our way up for three months. All I can do is roll with these things and try to gain something out of them. Try to amuse myself with all the crazy that's going on around me. Try to laugh at the absurd, even when it hurts. There's so much out there to achieve, to avoid, to succeed at, and it's all there for each of us. I remember an owner of a bakery being asked if he was ever afraid of other competition taking over his business. He said "if they're as good as us, then they'll have the same demand". That is a great conclusion to have. It means there's room for all of us to have what we want. I believe that. Everything and anything is possible. Embracing that all the time is the truly difficult task at hand. I have to give myself a pat on the back though cause I managed to let go of a lot of doubts and worries and just close my eyes, and when I opened them I had a crowd of people staring at me as if I had them all by puppet strings, I had a few new songs that I'd never known were in me, and I had the opportunity to sit on the beach by the Atlantic ocean and eat sushi in New York. I was able to take something common, like a day, or a simple melody and make it into something extraordinary for myself. I hope you all can and will do the same.

there's a piano in the street

whooo. What a rough month it was for me. I hope yours was better. I definitely felt like Job (from the bible, oh yes I just went there) as everything did really seem to come apart right around the same time. I suppose the worst catch 22 in history is that when you feel completely down and out, and your physically ill, and mental discouraged, and spiritually unfocused and just all around angry and lonely and it would be the perfect time to have a friend come around and comfort you that's also the time when you're the least appealing person on the planet and no one is going to come within a stones throw of you unless they absolutely have to.

Fortunately I've felt as if I've hit rock bottom enough times in my life to know that the trampoline of nature will always launch you up higher if you fall into it farther so I chilled and I feel as if I'm back, maybe not yet 110% but things are getting back to being within reach, health has mostly returned, and I can mash potatoes and do the twist.

all this is owed to a variety of things and people who I will attempt to express immense gratitude towards while hopefully being cryptic enough with the names as to not embarrass anyone.

- Adam at the Refreshment Center for letting me rant when no one else would

- Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall for making "Bottom"

- everyone who came out to the "Joshua Jesty and Cat Birth" show

- Gonculator for playing "Dana Novacaina"

- this is exploding

- Roland

- everyone who thought about coming out to the "Joshua Jesty and Cat Birth" show

- everyone involved and related to all things Mr. F

- this dude

- the National for the Boxer

- Peter Gabriel for US

- V for the game day

- everyone for not showing up at the Rocking Robin

- Jen and her 3,006 sisters for hanging out

- the cavs, because I love sports so so so damn much.

- the lee brothers

- the in living color dance squad

- my mom and hazel for dealing with me

- orange juice and green tea

- many other people that I've forgotten to mention. Steve is one.

- everyone who has been enjoying the music on this page (as you should) and everyone I've gotten to meet as a result of it. you're wonderful and I hope you come to realize this sooner then later if you haven't already.

take care of yourselves.

Embarrassing moments

oh where to start. So so many to choose from. In recent years I have become fascinated by the idea of embarrassing moments. I think the seed was planted in my head when Jane Scott a local rock reporter for the Plain Dealer asked me if I had any embarrassing performance moments. I couldn't come up with anything on the spot, but I certainly thought about it for awhile. It then occurred to me that everyone has them. Everywhere you go someone has felt some kind of shame or embarrassment over something they've done, from the smallest details to the biggest aspects of ones life, there are screw ups a plenty, you might even be making an embarrassing moment for yourself by reading this blog, or you might stay up to late reading this blog and go to work the next morning without any pants on. The possibilities are endless! and beautiful. to be human is to err and for some reason we're not always up to accepting that, maybe it's that little part of us that knows we're capable of so much more that gets frustrated when we get a persons name wrong that we've only just met or when we fart in math class loud enough for everyone to hear, or when we do that thing where we trip over ourselves while walking. Bottom line is, it's okay, we move on, these moments are soon forgotten, except in my case where I catalog them and now post them online for all to see. In any case, if you have any embarrassing moments I'm always up for hearing them by emailing me. now on to my dirty closet of mess ups.

A. with women (I've changed the names or haven't used the names at all)

- I remember talking to a girl in art class one day, it was a very natural flowing conversation and I had a good time. She was my table partner so it was nice to finally talk to her after several weeks of sitting and drawing circles and watching the meaner kids throw stuff at the art teacher. shortly after class it had occurred to me that I had made it through a conversation with a girl and all the sudden I freaked. The next day I tried to carry on as normal but I pretty much stumbled over every word I ever tried to say to her again. "hey.. pencil... earth tones" was about the best sentence I could construct around her ever again. My first crush and I was tongue tied.

- Formal dances were pretty much nothing but awkward and embarrassing. there were at least two dances with two separate dates where after we had confirmed that we were going to the dance together I took the time to walk the school halls with them and get to know them a bit better before the dance so it wouldn't be so awkward. I even bought a little present for one of them as a joke gift, but still I thought it was sweet. Then I'd take the girls out to the dance we'd meet up with all her friends, they'd all form a big dancing circle and make sure I couldn't get in it. We might dance for the first few slow dances but eventually it would become clear that the dude who kept pushing me aside and booty dancing with my date was going to sweep her off her feet for that night. I would be dropped off at my house by the booty dancing guy with my date still in the car and off they would go to bowling alley's and Denny's experiences I would never know.

- There was a girl who I was so desperate to win back after a break up that I devised a romantic scheme involving us dancing in the moonlight in a playground that we had once hung out in with several friends. At that point in my life, the night at the playground represented one of the most beautiful, calming, and elevating moments in my life. It probably had no meaning to this girl but I thought if I could recreate that night again I'd win her heart back. long story short I went to the wrong playground, the cops showed up, I was almost arrested. I ended up dropping her off and running home since that's what the cops allowed me to do. Apparently she went out with some friends afterwards and I sat home feeling humiliated and wondering how many rumors would spread about my attempt to kidnap this girl. I only heard a few.

- There was a summer where I decided I had had enough of trying to impress women so I just let my hair and my beard (or what little of a beard I can grow) grow out. However, one of my friends kept taking me out to bars and clubs, and when he went to flirting with women I would take up the cause too. However, it would usually take about 2 or 3 rejections before I realized that I looked like an unkempt wretch and should best stay in the corner and watch the crappy cover band play "Push" by matchbox twenty one more time, with an out of tune violin none the less.

B. Music related/Concert related

- at a show in Boston, shortly after eating some chicken fingers I opened up my mouth to sing the first note of our first song and a large intrusive belch came out instead. Needless to say we lost what little of an audience we had immediately.

- at another show in Boston the band I was with played its worst show at a little bar in Somerville MA. Our guitarist had been playing in a smashing pumpkins band that had their guitars tuned down half a step, and without realizing it we tuned our guitars down to match his tuning, which wouldn't have been to big a deal, except it made everything sound a bit off. The guitars weren't really in tune, and I couldn't figure out why my vocals sounded off. It might have sounded find to the audience, but for us it was a painful change in the sound of our instruments. things just didn't sound right and we started to get very aggressive with our performance. I threw my guitar around and walked off the stage feeling awful.

- my first live performance with a guitar (albeit a bass guitar) was my freshman year in high school. this band assembled for the talent show and since the other two members were seniors they chose to play "spirit of radio" by Rush. I'm not a big Rush fan but I went along with it anyway as I just wanted to play. I remember rushing around the stage feeling like the biggest rock star and finally the guitar solo came so I did a dumb looking kick and figured I'd land just lay down the bass line for awhile. However when I landed I unplugged my bass chord and tripped over myself. Ever the pros that they were the other two kept playing and I ran back to my amp and clumsily corrected the problem. At the end of the song I was still on cloud nine. A full auditorium of middle school and high school kids screaming there heads off, cause it's a talent show and that's what you do. I really felt like I had done something great, and yet the next morning I was scrubbing dishes at the local tea and over priced sandwich shop. That felt embarrassing.

- in kindergarten, our teacher used to have 4th and 5th graders come down and play piano for us every once and awhile. I remember thinking when I started up piano lessons that when I was in 5th grade I would go play for those kindergarteners. I went and talked the teacher into it, though I don't think she really wanted to have me come play and I went home and practiced this one song over and over and over and over. I thought I could nail it in my sleep. That day I went to school ready to perform for the kids. While walking to their classroom it suddenly hit me that I hadn't brought the sheet music. "I know it by heart" I told myself and walked into the classroom ready to entertain these kids as I had been entertained years ago. I sat down and started in on the song, but I suddenly got distracted halfway through and just choked. I stopped dead in my tracks after hitting a measure or two worth of wrong notes and a silence fell over the room. I was dying and the kindergarten teacher wasn't going to do anything to save me. In my panic I quickly started playing "chop sticks" and fumbled up the ending fiercely. I jumped up from the piano bench and tried to avoid looking at the faces of kids who were holding back laughs, and some who were confused as to what just happened. Some of the kids started clapping as I neared the exit of the room and as I made it out the doorway I heard my former kindergarten teacher say to her students "very good class, that's very nice of you to clap, that's a good example of being polite even when a performance is bad". I don't think I've ever performed on piano publicly since.

C. Miscellaneous

- I was walking past my second grade math teachers room at the end of the school day. She had her back turned to me and was writing the next days lesson on the chalk board. without any pre-warning from my body I expelled an incredibly loud fart causing the teacher to jump and throw her chalk in the air. She spun around before I could even comprehend what had happened and scolded me for being so rude.

- During my Junior year of High School I was the type of kid who malnourished, overworked, and under slept constantly. My body finally quit on me during health class on the day that we were being taught about the menstrual cycle. When the teacher started showing some slides I remember feeling a bit nauseous. Then I slowly lost my sight. I put my head down to attempt to ignore what was being taught and attempt to get some blood flow back to my head. It worked for a short period of time, I regained my sight and sat back up and attempted to carry on. My sight went away once more and shortly thereafter my hearing started to leave me. I raised my hand and started yelling something to the effect of "excuse me teacher, I hate to interrupt but my sight has left me and my hearing is going right.... now" at this point I remember starting to collapse and then being pulled out of the classroom by two of the football players in the room. I put my head between my knees and the blood came back and I was fine. However the school had a shit fit and made me get in a wheelchair and be sent home causing greatly exaggerated rumors of my death.

So there you have it. A bunch of embarrassing stories. Hopefully some made you laugh, some made you cry, and maybe some made you think a little bit. Till next month, be safe, and don't be worried about messing things up, there's always tomorrow.

Happy Birthday Dad.

I'm gonna slow things down a bit this month. Today, April 2nd was my dads birthday a date which I couldn't remember to save my life till after he passed on a few years back. Now I can't forget it. At first it was just another reminder as to why I was in such pain and felt such loss. As the years progress it's a post at which I can take a moment to stop and just think about how much he meant to me and allow myself to tear up and laugh and scream and finally settle down and just feel an immense feeling of gratitude for this man who helped raise me and make me who I am.

the story of my dad goes like this, as best as I can put together. His mom held out on having him until the 2nd cause she didn't want to have any april fools baby. He grew up with 2 older brothers and one younger sister and did a lot of stupid/fun stuff like putting cherry bombs in mail boxes and yelling at cats and crafting a make shift toboggan/skateboard and zipping down his street at 30 miles an hour without any brakes. He loved music, specifically playing trombone and he played in a few swing bands that he felt had potential but ultimately didn't go anywhere. He went into the air force and worked with radios and technology. He was stationed in a few places, including a town in Nebraska where he spent his Air Force pay on alcohol, a motorcycle and a guitar and taught himself how to play. The town where he was stationed in Nebraska was so small that when his brother came out to visit he made front page news. Somewhere during his stay he dated the daughter of a milk manufacturer. So if he had taken things to the next level I could've been born a milk mans son. Instead he took an honorary discharge after being given the option of leaving due to the air force being over crowded or training to fly a helicopter and go to Vietnam asap. He ended up back in the Cleveland area, where he re-connected with my mom with whom he'd been a good friend with in high school. He also applied for jobs at the Post Office and NASA. Since he got extra points for being in the Air Force added to his aptitude tests he ended up getting over 100 on both job tests. He was told that he was an ideal candidate for both jobs but would not be able to be hired due to the newly instated affirmative action laws. He ended up working for an alarm company for awhile. In some cases he would get called in the middle of the night to go inspect and fix alarms that were going off, and when he arrived at the job site he'd see the burglars leaving the scene, and then have to wait awhile for the cops to show up. He married my Mom sometime around 1976-77, embraced the study and practice of Christian Science shortly thereafter and I came into play at the tail end of 1979.

from that point I remember a very giving very fun man. We had lots of tickle fights, watched lots of comedy movies together and went on an awful lot of family drives. right before I was born he started working at a company called Electra Sound and it was where he would stay for the rest of his years. He moved up the ladder as high as he could go, but he always had ambitions to go higher. He got a few college degrees while I was young and was going for a masters in business in the last years of his life. He was into Ham Radio and music. Mostly folk. I remember from the time I was 7 till 12 he would pull his guitar out of the closet about once a year and just start playing the 4 to 5 songs he knew really well. He had developed this unique style of finger picking where you're playing the bass line with your thumb and filling out the chords with the middle, pointer and ring finger with the strumming hand. I've seen other people use this style, but never quite like my dads version of it. I would sit entranced while he played and sang "froggy went a courtin'". To me it was epic, even when I was 12 and a bit more cynical about life, it still drew me in.

I suppose all these details mean nothing much to the reader, and to me they don't necessarily define who he was but in a way I feel I have to hold onto every memory of him that I can, cause every time I look over it I learn something new, feel something different, get to learn from his experience even though he's not here to say "hey, don't do this thing that I did" or "hey, do this thing".

My dad had a lot of rejection and bad experiences in his life despite the fact that he was incredibly bright and talented. He did once diagnose me with the same condition he had "fear of success". I know he believed in me, and I'm pretty sure it was understood that I believed in and still believe in him.

One of those ironic earthly flaws that life dishes out is that it's really hard to understand how much you really love someone until they're gone. As much as I think my friends and family should know how much I love and believe in them, I'm sure the scope of my belief in them is lost on them in the passing of the days and all the mundane distractions that are omni-present.

Having lost my dad over 4 years ago and still feeling as much pain over his loss gives me hope at the same time. It's good to know that I can love that much. It's good to have had someone in your life that can make you grieve that hard. To mean it's a sign that I've lived a very good life thus far.

Another good sign that I don't think I've mentioned enough is how if my dad hadn't helped shape and influence me in the way he did, there's no way I would've made all the incredible friends that I have, many who dropped what they were doing to be by my side during that insane time and who have since been a constant support in a world that at times seems incredibly unstable.

Sure, there's times I wish I could have my dad around to give me his sage advice, tell me his silly jokes, drive the tour bus (which was always something wanted to do for me, of all the rock jobs you could have..), help me figure out problems that I don't want to share with outside sources. Sure it feels a little empty from time to time, but the other side of the coin is that I had that incredible figure in my life, and people and things that are as true and loving as someone such as my dad will continue to inspire me for the rest of my days.

the very very last time I saw my dad, hooked up to all those machines, looking like a fraction of his former self, barely able to talk, he managed to let my mom and I know that he loved us and then he very aggressively and frequently gave the "thumbs up" sign. Seeing as how I believe in my dad as much as I do, there's no reason to believe he was lying in the last moments of his life. If anything, I can take his last actions to heart. "it's alright, it's alright"

time to play Feels Good/Feels Bad!

Feels Good: got to play to over 1000 people in the past 4 days between gigs in Kent, Fredonia and Cleveland

Feels Bad: had to play all the shows while fighting a rather nasty cold that made me feel (and act) like an antisocial cousin of death.

Feels Good: came up with a completely worthless game show idea called "Are you on Drugs"

Feels Bad: no way I can pay the host the correct salary at this stage in my life

Feels Good: going to SXSW in a week with this is exploding

Feels Bad: going to SXSW in a week with this is exploding?!

Feels Good: I got tickets to See the Police when they come through Cleveland

Feels Bad: it was $100 for Nosebleed seats, but let's face it, I would've paid more to have my head in a toilet bowl while the police played live, it's the Police. My bank account will kick me repeatedly, but my heart will thank myself forever.

Feels Good: taking a break from writing and recording new ideas for the past two weeks

Feels Bad: While I've enjoyed the space sometimes it's hard to gage when to jump back in. Do you just sit down and go or wait for that idea to jump out of you without any control. Sometimes songwriting feels like trying to catch lightning amongst a backdrop of lightning bugs.

Feels Good: finished my fifth book in as many months of reading at night.

Feels Bad: running out of books that I'm really really interested in, getting to my reserve pile and not feeling all that inspired. Though I did just relocate my John Hodgeman book.

Feels Good: seeing my rabbit

Feels Bad: not seeing him enough. I think we're starting to get a good dialogue between the two of us. he doesn't struggle much when I pick him up. There is a trust there. There is a bond of some sort that we both accept and know, whether we'll be able to develop it much more then it is can not be predicted at this moment.

Feels Good: playing solo shows. this is newer to me as I haven't played a real solo show in some time. I have usually had someone helping me out accompaniment-wise or have had pre programmed sequences to play to, but lately I've been playing completely by myself without a net and I did this once in Athens and feel comfortable enough to do it again in Cleveland this coming Thursday March 8th.

Feels Bad: playing solo shows. Because there's a different kind of energy to it that I have far from figured out. The last several years have been pretty much devoted to playing with this is exploding live and that will most likely continue to be the focus. There's a whole different set of rules to playing solo and even though the variations seem slight I feel as if they must be perfected before I can go around and honestly say I've got a good "solo" show.

Feels Good: coming up with the next great parody rock record.

Feels Bad: not being able to tell you what it is yet with the possibility that I'll get caught up in something else and completely forget about it.

Feels Good: being alive

Feels Bad: trying to find a negative to everything. perhaps my greatest fault of all.